Some of you may recall my blog a few months back on how I handled uncontrollable weight gain due to meds.
Shortly after the blog, I shared in my newsletter , how the steady rise in my weight had me starting off cool and calm but soon turned me into total panic mode .
Turns out I was not the self-assured woman I thought I was around body acceptance.
Weight gain can be funny like that. Just when we get used to one body, our fat flips the script on us and we are challenged to be accepting of a whole new figure.
Though I certainly have been challenged recently in the muffin top territory….
I think I can finally say that acceptance has begun to play a much larger role again in my new weight.
How do I know this?
For starters, I am not hating what I see in the mirror as much.
I am not cringing and nit picking at every little adorable fat roll that smiles back from the mirror at me (yes, I did just call my fat adorable).
I am embracing my food!
Fat can be such a prison.
When we hate what we see in the mirror it is such an influencer in what we decide to put in our mouths.
By allowing myself to eat based off God’s principles and personal leading over my life and not the number of size jeans I am fitting into this month, I am giving myself power to be a woman of worth beyond my size.
By doing this, I take away any power that satan may try to hold over me through food, weight and body image.
Remember, the devil is a liar. Every time we see our bodies as ugly and food as something we are not worthy of eating, it is coming from him and not the Lord.
Another way that has been such a key tool in advancing my self-acceptance is really meditating on larger women who I admire. Women like Delta Burke and the Australian actress and wife of Hugh Jackman, Deborra Lee Furness.
Beautiful women in the public eye who despite being scrutinized, do not apologize for their size.
Following these kind of admirable women in society is a huge help towards building a better personal relationship with yourself.
Seeing companies like Madewell, Anthroplogie and J. Crew uses larger models that look more my size has been another boost in self-love.
Since gaining more appreciation for my current size I have been doing some serious online shopping.
I have been so stoked to come across models that are in the medium-sized zone.
Honestly, seeing a “normal” sized woman in an outfit I like puts it in perspective.
It reminds me that the “norm” is not the rail thin, despite what society has us brain-washed to believe.
The norm is the curvy!
The wild thing is that it was almost shocking seeing these normal-sized women amongst these skinny girls. They really stood out because it is just not what my eyes are used to seeing when shopping for clothes.
We see what we are told to see.
We have to remember that we live in a world where we are told to see thin.
If we were told to see more of the “norm,” we would not feel so fat all the time.
We would feel right where we are supposed to be.
What God has been showing me on this journey is that here is only one me. there is only this life.
When I look at the women out there who are not stick thin who hold them selves in high esteem, women like Ashley Graham, I see a common spring of water flowing through them…..
These women have made peace with who they are.
They have joy because of it.
We have Jesus.
We have the peace maker right inside of us. All we have to do is take hold of His peace.
Jesus said he came so that we may have life and have it abundantly.
Living in constant dismay of what my body looks like is not living abundantly.
Judging the food I eat….my portions, my calories, none of that is living abundantly.
When I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, my choices are healthy. I do not need a diet, a magazine, a book, a friend or neighbor to tell me how to eat.
When I fix my eyes on Jesus, I know where my self worth lies and I can joyfully bow down and accept that I am fearfully and wonderfully made…..
muffin top, belly rolls, back flab and all.