Before God deepened my faith in Him through His grace-filled healing around my body, my bingeing, my food restricting, my diet obsessed struggles….

My life had ALWAYS been about my weight!

It was literally my identity.

I was the “fat kid” and in then morphed into the “health nut.”

The funny thing is, I became far more crazy around my food and my body the thinner I got.

I always thought that when I was thin, I would finally be happy.

I NEVER felt thin enough!

Even at my smallest, when I had glistening muscles that caused shock and awe wherever I went, I still hated my body. Nothing was ever good enough. I never felt relaxed in myself. I always felt that I could be…no, that I SHOULD be doing more for my weight!

More, at the time, did not mean living abundantly(as God tells us we should).

It meant living fearfully.

It meant living in bondage.

My life was one calculated move after the next for the “holy grail” of “perfect” bodies.

My biggest strategy, cutting out all fun from my life.

  • Movies: Could not enjoy the candy or popcorn, never went.
  • Rarely dined out: Anxiety up the wazoo! Constant calculating of points, carbs, calories, fats proteins, sugar in every dish. Too much hassle.
  • Social gatherings with friends: Restricted food all day in order to not feel guilty for eating half the chips and guac. (Then binged on everything in sight a few glasses of wine later.)
  • The Beach: I spent more time focusing on my body in a swimsuit then I did enjoying playing in the sand with my kids. (You want me to bend over to grab that sand toy? You need me to crouch to build the castle with you? Sorry, honey. Mommy just needs to stand here with her belly sucked in, hands on her hips to make her arm flab less flabby while she compares her cellulite to all the other moms on the beach.)
  • Any celebration or ceremony: How I looked in my outfit out ranked enjoying the actual celebration. (Even my birthday, I would skip out on a slice of my own cake!)
  • Love life: Avoided intimacy with my husband and never felt fully comfortable during our tender moments. It only heated up if I was having a “thin” or “good” day.

Then God really shook me to my core (and not in a way that gave me those pilates abs I had been busting my behind for months to attain).

I had babies! I had three babies in two years (you do the math).  

My body did not bounce back. 

I used every trick in the book to reach my pre-baby weight.

None of it worked.

 I felt like Jacob wrestling with God. I was determined to not let go until He blessed me. (With a thinner body of course!)

I laid my prayers on thick….REAL THICK!

I felt like every prayer I sent to the Lord for control over my weight loss was sent back with the message “Return to sender.”

When you just keep calling and no one answers, eventually you have to check the number and dial again.

In His gentle way, God showed me that He was listening, I just wasn’t asking for the right things.

In fact, I wasn’t “asking” for anything.

I was telling!

Telling God how I thought my body should look.

Telling God how I felt I needed to be eating (in a way that supported zero tolerance for thigh-rubbing when waking).

Telling God that I had a vision and a plan. One that I felt was the correct one because it matched the vision and plan the rest of the world told me I should desire for myself.

The worst thing I was telling God: That the body He had created for me was unacceptable. 

Slowly, I began to answer His wake up call. God led me to want to heal how I interacted with food in a way that was not about solving a weight issue but that was about resolving a spiritual one.

He set me FREE.

 

This is me in today!

A woman who is relaxed around my food. Who is comfortable in my own skin.

I no longer used food as my major source of comfort. I am no longer confused or obsessed with “making the right choice” around what to eat, how much to eat or even when to eat!

Binges, gone.

Restricting food groups; never a doubt in my mind as to what eat because God ordains my nourishment.

I feed my body with good, delicious foods that God blessed the earth with not because I feel I have to, but because God has blessed me with the honest desire to!

I eat whatever I want, like a normal person.

I am able to put my focus on things that truly matter, like living in the moment with thanksgiving instead of bitterness for how I look each day.

Once I understood how to tune into God around food, food stopped being an issue.

I trusted God with my weight. I settled into a place where my body was naturally happy to be at (one where dieting and restricting food was no longer a part of my life.)

I trusted God with my figure! In return, He gave me my life back.

If you are living a lifestyle where you are never happy with your body, always feeling as though you need to improve it in order to be happy, consistently living from a “well is dry and only I must fill it” attitude, you are not living out God’s plan for your life.

God intended you to follow His holy teachings, not the world. He wants for you to love your body and treat it well. He wants for you to experience joy and peace and contentment. Not to receive these things based off how you look, but how you let the Spirit of Jesus shine in the world through your very life.

You were not put here to have a perfect body. You were put here to have a resurrected soul.

If you find comfort and truth in what I’m saying, I invite you to sign up for my coaching emails!

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